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When I grew up in the 1990s, the government appeared to think that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by telling girls that anything was possible. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that structural and social impediments would yield to my self-confidence.

Experts have since debunked the idea that an individual can improve their situation through upbeat attitudes. A writer, in his publication Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of the level playing field fuels much of personal development trends.

Yet, a portion of my mind that still believes that through diligent effort and assemble a firm goal map, I ought to realize my deepest aspirations: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. How do I find a point of equilibrium, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Key Is Found in Self-Effacement

The answer, per Saint Augustine, a religious leader from Hippo, is humility. Augustine stated that modesty acted as the cornerstone of all other virtues, and that in the quest for the divine “the initial step is humility; the next, modesty; the last, lowliness”.

As someone who left the church such as myself, the concept of meekness might stir a range of negative emotions. I was raised at a time in religious history when focusing on physical beauty equated to narcissism; sexual desire was unacceptable beyond reproduction; and just thinking about masturbation was deemed a transgression.

It’s unlikely that the saint meant this, but for many years, I conflated “humility” with embarrassment.

Healthy Humility Isn’t About Personal Disgust

Embracing modesty, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. An individual practicing constructive modesty is proud of their capabilities and achievements while admitting that knowledge is infinite. He defines various types of meekness: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and humility in the face of suffering.

Psychological research has similarly found multiple perks arising from open-mindedness, such as greater resilience, tolerance and relatedness.

Humility in Practice

During my career as a pastoral care practitioner with elderly residents, I currently view humility as the practice of being present to the other. Humility functions as a way to reconnect: returning, step by step, to the ground I stand on and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who share with me identical stories drawn from their experiences, over and over again, whenever we meet. Instead of watching the clock, I try to listen. I work to keep an open mind. What lessons are there from this person and the stories that have stayed with them when so much else has gone?

Creative Quietude

I attempt to embrace the Taoist attitude as described by scholar Huston Smith called “productive stillness”. Taoist philosophers urge individuals to quiet the ego and live aligned to the universe’s rhythm.

This might be especially relevant amid efforts to restore the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs clarifies that embracing modesty allows us to re-connect with “the inner creature, the entity that fears toward the unseen". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of ignorance, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and despair that follows assuming no limits exist: success – be it attaining riches, reducing size, or securing an election – transforms into the single permissible result. Modesty enables elegance and setbacks. I am humble, rooted in the earth, which means I have everything I need to flourish.