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The listings for the prestigious venue in Washington highlights a playful dual-language production and an improvised Shakespeare company. Curiously missing from the advertised events is the upcoming FIFA World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly closed-door event. Officials likely want to avoid any uninvited attendees from gaining entry at what threatens to be an overly lengthy, self-congratulatory spectacle where highly compensated celebrities will doubtlessly parrot the old cliche that "soccer brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Hosting Team

This glitzy ceremony is set to be hosted by former model and TV host Heidi Klum together with diminutive US comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be American football star Eli Manning on red-carpet duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will host a ceremony that will certainly have British football fans who remember missing the simpler, pomp-free days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a reliable velvet bag of wooden, lottery balls.

Slated to last almost three long hours, the show will include a seemingly endless playlist of lengthy speeches, overly sentimental highlight reels, scripted gags, famous faces, performances from artists with perhaps little shame or financial motivations, and then... at last, the actual World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Ceremony Detail

Among those tasked with conducting the draw? Basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey great Wayne Gretzky, football quarterback legend Tom Brady and MLB star Aaron Judge, all plucking numbered spheres under the supervision of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, deep well of personality possessed by these ageing sporting legends, barring an uniformed security team storming the ceremony, it's difficult to envision what could potentially go wrong.

Actually, very little, if the insensitive justification of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging offered by an overly deferential spokesperson is any kind of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for non-millionaires, the reply was vague. "I think we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are definitely an organization that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every area, we could have that discussion about things," it was noted. The implication appeared that high prices are acceptable when compared with other luxury goods.

The Actual Draw

With over forty teams already secured a place for next summer's jamboree and another six set to qualify, there will be a genuine feeling of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the main draw gets under way. While fans worldwide wait with great anticipation to see which three teams their own country will face in the initial phase, the anticipation will be nothing compared to that which precedes the reveal of the recipient of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "individuals who help bring together people in peace through steadfast commitment and notable actions." Considering the draw is in Washington and the World Cup is primarily in the United States, speculation about the recipient are widespread, even if the hints are there.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was in contact with the owner today. My connection with him is very strong really. I have a real open, honest and realistic relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have completely no worries whatsoever" – a statement from a coach with a team on a five-match winless run, offering a textbook quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced should a dismissal occur down the line.

Fan Correspondence

• "Regarding the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to buy a Highland League club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to football games in the 80s/90s, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"