The Advice from A Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."